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Lee Cuff

Lee Cuff

Cello, Lute and Singer

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Lee, you’re on death row, with only a week to go before your number’s up. What crime did you commit?

I finally killed Leslie Garrett, Aled Jones and the group G4 in a cruel parody of the Saw films.

In your cell you are allowed 4 records, 3 films, 2 books and 1 personal item. Please list them.

RECORDS
Damien Rice’s “O”, Vyvienne Long’s “Caterpillar Sarabande”, Amy Winehouse “Back to Black”, Andrea Soler’s “Earth on an Axis”

FILMS
Phantom of the Opera, World on Fire and Pulp Fiction

BOOKS
Mort by Terry Pratchett and Dune by Frank Herbert

PERSONAL ITEM
My one personal item would of course be Godfrey the cello

Whilst in the clink you’re allowed a visit from any one individual. Who and why?

I would like my one visitor to be Tim Minchin. A bit of black comedy might cheer me up.

You’re allowed out for one day to visit a specific place in the world. Where?

If I had a free pass I would like to visit Cairo Museum

Half the week is up and as your last few days approach your thoughts turn to weighty metaphysical concerns; are you atheist, agnostic, or what?

I don’t know if I believe in a single god, but there is a little bit of me that pleads with all manner of deities in awkward situations

Do you hope for an afterlife? How would it be, ideally?

If there was an afterlife I hope it would be filled with feasting, singing, drinking and storytelling. Very Viking.

Is life worth living without music?

Life would go on without music, but only by expressing ourselves through another media. I think life would lose value if we were deprived of all the arts, from interpretive dance all the way to ready made sculpture.

Do you think there is a purpose to life, or is it just brute fact?

My area of study taught me that life is about creating and sustaining further life. However, if that is the case, as a species we do a terrible job of living sustainably and we create new life in increasingly unsustainable ways. I think the purpose of life, and constantly creating new life, might simply be to experience it.

Would you be satisfied with your life if it ended now? What would you regret not having done?

I wouldn’t be satisfied if it all ended now. I would only regret things that I haven’t yet had the chance to do. I might have some silly dreams and aspirations, but I would like the chance to try, fail and come up with a whole new bunch of dreams and goals.

If God does exist, what would you say to him come judgement day?

I would probably open with “Thanks. Can I have another go – I haven’t tried all the rides yet”. I think I would like him to dish the dirt on the key topics, such as “what is it all really about?”

Back to more pressing concerns. Assuming you could force it down, what would your last meal be?

An easy question. Mashed potato, sausages, red onion gravy and peas followed by Cheescake. I might ask a cheeky question and see if I could get a bottle of Cognac to wash it down.

Any last request?

I would probably ask for a pianist to accompany me in playing some Schumann.

In this jail you get to choose the method of your own demise. How do you choose to shuffle off this mortal coil?

Make my final moments memorable. Perhaps I could go with an amazing lazer show like Logan’s Run and vanish in the blink of an eye.

Your epitaph?

“Finally some free time… and I’m bored already…”